It's ok to not be ok
If you haven't already figured this out - EVERYONE has something unpleasant, painful or sad going on in their lives at some point, because...that's life. What we tend to forget though is that unlike Slack or Skype or whatever message app you use, we as humans don't have a status icon that appears next to our photo to tell others what 'state' we're in. We tend to interact with others as if they're always "on" and in "great" mode, and in general that works pretty well if you don't dive too deep. But sometimes a person's real status shows through the veneer and when it does we need to have empathy for each other and know that sometimes it's ok to not be ok.
I'm grateful for an experience I had early on in my career when I was (totally blindly) working as a legal secretary (yes, typewriter and dictation machine included) for a prominent Seattle attorney. He dealt with DUI's and his clientele included everyone from large corporate CEO's to public figures and even other attorneys and judges. His services weren't cheap and the deposits I took to the bank every week were fat. He appeared to have it all - and was always pleasant and easy going despite his understandably stressful profession.
One day we went to a sandwich shop to grab lunch and a song came on in the cafe while we ate. As soon as the song started my new boss's entire demeanor changed in a heartbeat, his smile disappeared and he started actually crying. For context, this was a very successful and highly professional/together man in his mid-fifties, I was early 20's, and had never experienced anything like it before - sitting in public eating a sandwich with your boss and he completely loses it and starts sobbing....one of those "what do I do now" moments.
Instinctively, I reached over the table and touched his arm, (which would've been very awkward if I'd had a moment to think about it) but I could tell he was embarrassed but also clearly hurting. I asked if he would mind telling me what was happening and he nodded, slowly composed himself and then told me the story of how his 20 year old son had recently been murdered. MURDERED! I'm pretty sure I sat with my mouth gaping for the next 45 minutes as he told me the horrific and tragic story. Ironically, as I think back, his son's murder was related to drugs, which, of course, I can now relate to - but at the time it was like someone telling me about their time on Mars. Could.Not.Relate.
Turns out, the song that had come on in the restaurant was one that his son had written - he'd been a fledgling songwriter and that particular song was one of the few that had "made it." Shortly after that eye-opening lunch experience new evidence was found in his son's case, and through a very strange series of events a suspect was arrested and eventually convicted of first degree murder. The pain I saw this man go through during that time was extraordinary, yet I'm guessing not one of his hundreds of very "important" clients even knew what was happening. We get so wrapped up in our lives, worried about ourselves and our own problems, that we can become blind to the pain others are in - even if it's right under our nose.
I so value that experience because it taught me never to assume that I know what's happening in the life of anyone I meet, whether it's a grocery clerk, co-worker, or just someone I don't even know ranting on Facebook. For anyone who loves someone who's in the battle with addiction - they're living with this hidden pain daily...hourly. They're smiling on the outside and dying silently on the inside.
Not to say that you need to have deep, personal conversations with every person you meet - just a genuine smile and "thank you" to people you encounter in the course of your day can make a difference. Don't underestimate a little dose of empathy! And if someone in your life, your office, book club, gym or school looks like their "status" might not be :) try spending an extra minute or two with them - you never know what's going on, but they'll appreciate the time.