what happens now?
3 minute read
when the body starts working again
The barium swallow test was a success, and results in hand, we felt like our son had just completed the Boston Marathon. Real (not gelatin) fluids and semi-solid food seemed like a giant graduation of sorts - closer to a normal existence, whatever that meant in the surreal world we were living in. The step up to cranberry juice and oatmeal was monumental, and it was at this point that I started to dare to think that things might keep getting better. There was still confusion on John's part about where he was and why he was there, but the gaps were shorter and with the help of amazing therapists he was slowly regaining the simple things we all take for granted...reading, writing, dressing ourselves, dialing a phone. But receiving doctor's approval of full liquids and semi-solid food was enough encouragement to keep going - another hour, another shift, another night, to the next day.
The stroke unit was such an experience, amazing nurses, PT's, OT's, ST's - it was crazily the most calm, secure and sense of safe I'd felt for John in a long time. We knew where he was, he was eating (slowly) and safe in a place that no one outside of our family and closest friends knew of. He was listed anonymously in the hospital system so even if his "homies" called around (which they did) they would be told there was no one registered in his name.
After a few days on the 5th floor I realized that I really had no concrete idea of what the details of John's overdose were! The past week had been a complete blur of just keeping him alive and it strangely hadn't occurred to me to ask anyone specifically about what and how much John had taken the night he arrived in this situation. I felt a little negligent because that seemed like such an obvious question, but I realized that everything was probably happening in it's proper time - it didn't really matter if I knew this information in the past week, it wouldn't have changed anything. But as I came up for my first few breaths of air, knowing that he was alive, and miraculously, doing very well in re-learning so many things, and his organs and body were responding well, it finally occurred to me to seek out his primary doctor and ask some pretty basic questions. What I interestingly learned was that because John was legally an adult I didn't have the right to find out anything from his medical records. Given his state of mind and physical situation I thought this was completely crazy, and knew I needed to step up for my child and make sure decisions being made in the future were informed and safe.
After a few conversations with nurses and doctors, I was allowed to view John's record on the computer screen only, nothing printed or discussed due to privacy issues. This was somewhat helpful but my ability to retain the information was limited and I finally just decided to focus on what was next. In a way I wished that he could stay here, safe, being cared for by loving people, forever! The realization that at some point in the near future he would be well enough to possibly leave the stroke unit was frightening and overwhelming - where does an addict go after they overdose and then come back to life...?