common addiction-related personality traits & disorders to keep an eye on, with Brenda Zane

Hi, and welcome to episode six. This week I am doing a solo show for a couple of reasons. One is that we are still in the Coronavirus madness. And it's been very, very hard to get people to commit to booking a podcast episode. So I wanted to talk about something that I've been thinking about for a while. And that is because after talking with so many parents about their children's addiction, I've started to notice commonalities between the kids personalities and behaviors. And it's kind of hard to ignore because I will talk to a parent and we'll sort of be discussing our kids how they were when they were younger, how they were through their sort of middle school and early teen years and they will look at me and say you just described my kid to a tee. So I thought that that shouldn't be ignored. And that it would be useful to share some of the things that I've heard over and over and over about these kids and some of the traits that they have, in hopes that you might either be able to recognize some of those in your own child if they're starting to sort of be curious, or experiment.

Or if you have a friend or cousin or niece or whoever it might be with some of those characteristics that you could pass this along for those parents because they are difficult, different difficult to deal with. And it's also difficult to know what to do if that is your child. So I want to walk through some of those common factors and just talk about what they are, what they look like and how they might show up in your home. And I hope that that might also just prompt anyone to act sooner than later because that is always The case is waiting and waiting, hoping that things are going to change. And then it's a little bit too late. And this is really hard because the teen years are a confusing time. teenagers do have unpredictable and defiant behavior. And sometimes that's just part of being a teenager. And if you have not listened to Episode Two with Derek Bowles, I would definitely recommend doing that, because he talks about some very specific ways that you can distinguish between what is a common teenager sort of just defiant behavior versus when something is really going wrong. So definitely check that out. And what I want to say also is that these are things that I'm talking about from my personal experience and from talking to parents. And I've also done quite a bit of research on these just for fact-checking to make sure that I wasn't, you know, just speaking something crazy. And so all of the research that I use for this episode will be in the show notes. So you can take a look at those, there's links to all of the individual studies that I have referenced. And I'm also not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. So please don't listen to this and then immediately make any rash decisions or come to a conclusion about your child. Just listen for things that might sound familiar. And then go if they do, you know, and you're having that nudge. And you know, if you know in your gut that you're worried, then go and get input from a doctor or a therapist who knows your child. And that's really important is to get that one on one advice from somebody who knows your kid and who will listen to you. Because you know your child best. Don't ever let anybody tell you that you don't know your child, inside and out. And if you're getting pushback from a doctor or a professional, find somebody who will listen to you. That's incredibly important.

So let's start out with some facts that I think are just good to know about teens and about addiction. And one of those is that 5 million US adolescents suffer from either substance or alcohol use disorder. So that's a lot. So if, if you're in this position, know that you are not alone, 5 million adolescents is a lot. And also that 90% of addictions have been proven to originate in the teenage years. So nine out of 10 kids start using drugs or alcohol before the age of 18. And that 14 years old is the median age of onset for illicit drug use and alcohol abuse. So we're talking young, we're talking Middle School. So this is something that parents need to be very aware of, you know, even into the fifth - sixth grade, so that they know about things to be looking for as their kids get into that middle school age range.

Now, these numbers really show that the earlier you can identify any potential problem with the child, the better. And a lot of the factors that might predispose someone to addiction actually begin at a young age, some of these things started very young age. So they are things that you will have seen with your child as they've been growing. And when I look back at my son's life, it's literally almost he was like a poster child for somebody who would be prone to addiction. And I did not know any of these things I was not aware. And so I felt like this was really, really important to talk about.

So the first one is Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or ODD, and kids with ODD are at an increased risk for anxiety for depression, antisocial behavior and substance use disorders. But I think it's really important to differentiate between a strong-willed kid and a kid with odd. So a lot of people have these strong-willed kids. They will where they would not be diagnosed with ADD and this is a diagnosable disorder. And the DSM-V criteria include these behaviors and these symptoms that last more than six months. So if you have a kid who is, you know, defiant and doing some of these things, but it's sort of over the course of a month than this is this is not your child. But if these are present for at least six months, it's something to look into.

And some of those traits are being angry and irritable often, so they often and easily lose their temper. They are frequently very touchy and easily annoyed by others, and they're often angry and resentful. They're also argumentative and defiant. And so this might look like arguing with adults or people in authority, not respecting that authority that you may have in place. Actively define refusing to comply with adult’s requests or rules. deliberately annoying or upsetting people and blaming others for their mistakes or misbehavior. And then vindictiveness is also one of those characteristics to look out for. So they're often spiteful or vindictive. And they show this behavior at least twice in the past six months. So again, these are things that need to be shown in a pattern over time. This is not just your child being disrupted once or twice. And the symptoms are four odd really begin around preschool. And they're often really more present around family members than around sort of the general public or in school. And there's high comorbidity and that just means that there's two disorders or diseases happening at the same time. So high comorbidity with ADHD, anxiety, depression, learning and communication problems and conduct disorder. So that is ODD.

And then just because there's so many acronyms, we're going to move on to ADD or ADHD. And again, this is one that so many kids, when I talk with parents, they say yep, there was a diagnosis in, you know, early elementary school. And an ADD or ADHD diagnosis increases the risk of substance misuse by up to 3%. So this is something to be very, very aware of. There is a strong connection between ADHD, Drug Abuse and Alcoholism. And ADD/ADHD is five to 10 times more common among adult alcoholics than it is in people without ADHD.

So among adults being treated for alcohol and substance use, the rate of those with ADHD is about 25%. So that's pretty significant and not as something that really as you're going through your child's school. yours if there is this diagnosis, keep that in mind that they are much more susceptible to abuse, Drug Abuse and Alcoholism. And there's also an element of self-medication. So people with ADHD tend to have lower levels of dopamine. And that's the brain chemical that affects your emotions and moods. So just like ADHD, medication, marijuana, alcohol and other substances also can boost dopamine levels. And so if a tween or a teen with ADHD is really struggling, whether or not they're on medication, they might start to self medicate because there is that desire to you know, feel normal to have that sort of boost and dopamine and then you add the peer pressure as well. And self-medication really can come into play. This is really common in the teenage years, and there was a study and again, these are all linked in the show notes that 14% of 15 to 17-year-olds with ADHD had problems with alcohol abuse or dependence as adults. And that is as compared with their peers that don't have an ADHD diagnosis. And another study found that about 15 years of age 40% of kids with ADHD began using alcohol compared with only 22% of kids without that diagnosis. So that is really a strong predictor of substance misuse in adulthood.

But then at around age 25, they saw that they were just as likely to use alcohol, whether or not they had ADHD. But the ones who do have that diagnosis were likely to use it more excessively. So something to be aware of there is you know, there is a lot of diagnosing of ADHD now, and I think it's important for parents to know that as they're talking with the doctor, whoever they're working with for their time. Whether they're taking medication or not, this is definitely a conversation to be having with that professional so that you are aware and sensitive to their vulnerability to that misuse. There's also research that links addictive behavior with impulsivity and lower frustration tolerance. And these are both very common temperament traits with kids with a DD or ADHD.

The next trait that I commonly hear parents talk about is how their child is highly intelligent. So I think you know, when you see images in the media, around addiction, you see you know, these people who, frankly don't look very smart, right? But when I talk with parents, it is very, very common that they say my kid is so brilliant, almost too smart. You know, they're the ones who are just off the charts intelligent and there is a lot of research showing the links between with high intelligence and addictive behavior, so there was a really large cohort study where childhood mental ability was related to alcohol problems and higher alcohol intake later in life. And it was also related to a higher average intake of alcohol and drinking more frequently. And interestingly, the findings were stronger among women than men for these highly intelligent people. So why would smart kids and abusing drugs that was a question that I had, and there was a study that was done and the lead author whose name is James White believes that that has to do with educated decision making.

So and this is super interesting, but I see that it's very true. And I look back on our experience that kids with higher IQs are likely to more likely to do things like eat well and lead an active lifestyle. They're actually less likely to smoke cigarettes at a young age. And this is all based on their abilities sort of make decisions based on being smart and being educated. But what they also have found is that they are also inclined to experiment from time to time because there's limited data on the damaging effects of some occasional drug use. So these kids are so smart that they know there is not, you know, necessarily a definitive study that says, If you smoke this much marijuana, it's going to do this to your brain. So, they are more inclined to do some of this experimentation which we all know then can lead to more serious use.

And people with higher IQs are just generally more open to new experiences. And they like experimenting, they like having new experiences. And they are also again, they like to make these evidence-based risk assessments. And they know that not everybody that tries drugs is going to get addicted and so they are more willing to play Russian Roulette with that. Obviously, that is not, you know, a good way to go because we know that substance abuse isn't risk-free. So very interesting sort of twist on why very, very smart kids might actually be more susceptible to drug abuse. And then another hypothesis is sort of that gifted kids simply fit the profile of drug users, they tend to suffer more from social isolation, and also boredom. And that can lead them to seek out new experiences, and tools just to cope with being different and potentially being isolated, bored in the classroom. You know, they're if they're in a public school system, they may be in a situation where they don't have gifted classes or AP classes. And so they're, you know, sitting with a teacher who is teaching to the lowest common denominator, which can really lead to boredom. And we definitely saw that in our family.

A third area that you see common around kids who end up with substance use problems is trauma. And you may have heard of the ACE study, and that's the adverse childhood experience study. It was conducted with over 17,000 patients at Kaiser Permanente. And they looked at all different kinds of stress-inducing experiences during childhood and those that have been linked to various forms of substance abuse and impulse control disorders. And when you hear the word trauma, you might think of physical or sexual abuse. But it also includes other events that happen more commonly like divorce, neglect, loss of a parent or a sibling, even just witnessing domestic or other violence in the family or having a family member who suffers from a mental illness. So it's a bit broader than what we typically think of if you hear the word childhood trauma, even things Like childbirth complications can cause you know, an infant to be separated from mom for a while. oxygen deprivation during birth can cause cognitive disorders.

So do think a little bit more broadly, when you think about trauma with a child, in most cases, you know, experiences that are really traumatic for kids would be much less traumatic for adults, right? So something might happen to a child that as an adult would not really have as big of an impact from a trauma standpoint. But there's a couple reasons why those occurrences have more significant effect on a kid. And they are just really limited in their ability to make contextual reference of events like that. And it doesn't really they are not really able to process those experiences very effectively, because they, you know, as a child, they lack a frame of reference. So it's really difficult to make sense of those experience. And it just makes the trauma more likely to sort of linger on. On the other hand, it's common for substance abuse behavior in adulthood to be modeled after a loved one's substance abuse behavior that was witnessed in childhood. So the tendency to self medicate can be, you know, modeled and passed along to a child.

And then the next few aren't necessarily diagnose-able disorders, but they consistently come up when I'm talking with parents about their kid’s personalities. So I'll just talk briefly about them. And one is a tendency towards perfectionism. They kind of have this thought of if I can do it perfectly, I don't want to do it at all. And the child doesn't know that this is perfectionism. And if you told them that they wouldn't know that but that's just their innate kind of in their DNA, how they feel about it.

Sometimes they will prefer a single sport over a team-based sport because they're not in control of the outcome of the game in a team situations is very can be very frustrating to them. You know, an example of this with our family was my son was doing martial arts at a very young age four or five years old, and got to the point where he was ready to go to the next belt color. And when you change about color in, I believe he was doing Tae Kwan Do, you have to stand up in front of the class and count to 10. And then they have a ceremony where they change your belt, and it's great. Well, it was not great because my son was convinced that he was not going to be able to count to 10 sorry, counting to 10 in Korean would not be able to do that. And so therefore, quit martial arts altogether, absolutely refused to go any to any more classes. And that's just one example of that perfectionism, and how that might show up with your child.

Another one is obsessive behavior and I'm not talking OCD. So this is not, you know, diagnoseable obsessive compulsive disorder, but just a tendency towards being obsessive. And that can be with their actions or with their thoughts. And what that might look like would be like twirling or twisting of their hair, tapping, kind of that constant tapping or straightening of things lining things up. And, you know, this could be straightening of towels. It could be, you know, neatly lining things up in order on a dresser. Even if the rooms a complete disaster there are there might be little things that you see that are in precise order, or there's a very specific place for a very specific item at all times. And also this can show up as black and white thinking so it's black or white. It's yes or no, there's only one way to do something very hard-headed in that way. And kind of this idea that once things go wrong in a day, the whole day is ruined, there's you know, nothing's going to be right again, you know, not handling change. Well, life is over if I have to change schools, very, very dramatic and lots of drama about small things, or things that really shouldn't cause such a dramatic reaction.

Another tendency I hear about all the time, is my kid actually seeks out danger and risk. And, and I think, for those of us who have this kid seems so normal, whereas if you don't have this kid, it seems very, very strange. But if you have one of these beautiful, challenging children, they actually do seek out danger and risk and you know, there's research studies that have found that high risk personalities may in part account for the relationship between ADHD and the abuse of substances and addictive behaviors. And well sensation seeking isn't connected to other diagnosis is it raises addiction risk for the obvious reason that people who are drawn to intense experiences will probably like drugs.

So this is a perfect example with my son. in third grade, the teacher told the class that there was a plant that you could get arrested for if you had it or if you smoked it. And he has said that that immediately made him want to go out and find it. He just thought what, what kind of a plant is this that could get me in trouble if I had it or or how would you smoke it? So just some of those things to look out for and if you have this kid, you know, because you've been sort of pulling them away from light sockets since they started crawling. But this is another tendency that I hear a lot.

And the last one that we'll talk about that I hear very commonly is a Kids being high sensory or having sensory overload. And this can be both emotional and it can be physical. So physical sensitivities might be something like noticing small changes. For instance, at one point I changed milks in our house and did not show my son the carton, he would have had no way of knowing. And immediately he took us a milk and said, This is not my milk, I want my milk. So a very high sensitivity to taste to smell to noises, so they may be able to hear very quiet noises that others can't hear. Or loud noises may be extra loud and painfully loud to them. And they also tend to be very sensitive to texture and fabrics. So clothing tags will bug them. Other things that may rub up against the skin. There may be a particular pair of underpants that you know the elastic is too tight or too loose. Those are very, very common. And then emotionally, it just may be that they overreact to situations. They cry very easily, or they have very high highs, low lows. They may get scared watching a movie or TV and have nightmares about it where other kids really aren't impacted. And then if you know if your child has a DD or ADHD, this, this sensory information really competes for their brains attention, and it can contribute to all of these different symptoms of sensory overload.

So those are the ones that I commonly hear about, again, not a doctor psychiatrists or psychologists. So these are just from a parent's point of view some of the things that commonly come up in conversation, and I think it's important for for you to be aware of, and don't rush to any conclusions. If this sounds like your son or daughter. I could be describing many others. You know, kids, and they've had no issues at all, doesn't mean that your child's going to end up with substance problems. But if they sound familiar, and you know that your child is curious, or experimenting with substances, maybe they're in that 12-13-14-year-old age range, it would be time to get professional help and do it now. If you listen to Episode Five, Paula Becker said, at times, she smelled smoke and she thought to herself, somebody lit a match. But now with the hindsight that she has around her son's experience in his addiction, she wishes that she would have called the fire department.

So these are things that you know, you may have them checked out and it's nothing to be worried about at all, but it'd be much much better to look into it earlier than later. So the good news is that there are so many good therapies that help kids with these things with ODD with ADHD with trauma in particular, there's wonderful, wonderful therapies out there. And you don't have to try and solve this on your own. So what would be probably the best thing to do is to call your child's doctor and ask them for an evaluation as a place to start, and then they'll be able to tell you if you need to go see a specialist, and to give you other resources, books, websites, other you know, physicians and specialists in that area.

Thanks again for listening, all the research there references in the show notes, and you can always find those at BrendaZane.com/podcast, and then the number of the podcast or you can just scroll through them. And if you're a mom who needs a little bit of strength and support, please do join me in our online community I host it's called The Stream. It was created specifically for you by me, and I'm somebody who's been in the trenches and it's now here to help you through dealing with whatever it is that you're dealing with with your child. Maybe they're experimenting. Maybe they're in active addiction or you could have gotten to the point where they're in treatment or early recovery. But I'm here for you, the other mamas in there are here for you as well. We meet every week on Fridays we chat and Friday mornings for coffee, and we're just there to support each other and we would love to have you. So I look forward to seeing you in episode seven.

personalityODDADHDADDperfectionismtraumamomparentingaddictionsubstance use disorder

brenda zane

common addiction-related personality traits & disorders to keep an eye on, with Brenda Zane

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Brenda Zane 01:13

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