Recovery Reframes Parenting: Second Chances for a Father and Son Navigating Early Recovery
Host: Brenda Zane, brenda@hopestreamcommunity.org
Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Guest: Brad, real dad & Hopestream Community member
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About this episode:
Brad, father to an 18-year-old son in sober living is optimistic, yet facing a lot of unknowns. Naturally, he wants his son to have every opportunity for success, but what does helpful parenting look like with a child in early recovery? How does a dad know when to step in and when to hold back and let his son just figure things out on his own? To add to the complexities, Brad’s son is potentially coming home to visit soon, which is exciting and also nerve wracking.
In this coaching episode, Brad and I talk about learning to trust through fear, and becoming a source of accountability without driving his son away or infringing on his decision-making.
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Brad: [00:00:00]
He's got a lot on his plate. And to tell you the truth, I didn't think at first that he'd be able to handle it. And now, he's living in a sober living, taking care of himself. He drives to all of his meetings. He goes to school. He volunteers. And he works. That is a lot.
Brenda: You're listening to HopeStream. If you're parenting a young person who misuses substances, is in a treatment program, or finding their way to recovery, You're in the right place. This is your private space to learn from experts and gain encouragement and support from me, Brenda Zane, your host and follow mom to a child who struggled. This podcast is just one of the resources we offer [00:01:00] for parents. So, after the episode, head over to our website at hopestreamcommunity.org. I'm so glad you're here. Take a deep breath, exhale, and know that you have found your people. And now, let's get into today's show.
Hey, it is our first Dad's Coaching Call today, and I could not be happier because as The Woods, our community for dads and male caregivers, is growing and expanding, I hope to have more guys participate in these coaching sessions.
It's so important for dads to also know that they are supported and involved in their kid's journey, so today I'm excited to have you listen in to my coaching session with Brad, whose story may sound familiar because his ex wife and co parent Alice was on the podcast back in August. So now you get to hear the other perspective on the same parenting experience, which is super cool.
Brad is in a good place with his son, who's in sober living after having [00:02:00] gone to wilderness therapy and residential treatment. And he's looking for ways to continue to support his son without overstepping and frustrating him. He's actively working at not solving his son's current struggles, which include a couple of speeding tickets and making the transition from dad of an adolescent to dad of a young adult, which is hard because there's no handbook on exactly how to do that, especially when your son has had a lot of hard challenges in the past.
We also talk about an upcoming visit from his son. which will be the first in almost a year, and how Brad is preparing for that. It's such a positive conversation, and it will be especially helpful to hear if you have a young person who's potentially headed to treatment, and you're wondering what the landscape looks like down the road.
I can't thank Brad enough for being willing to share his coaching session with you. So take a listen and I'll see you on the other side. Enjoy.[00:03:00]
Hey Brad, welcome to a coaching episode of Hope Stream. Super excited to be talking to you. You're my first dad's coaching session. So congrats.
Brad: Wow. Well, thank you for having
Brenda: me. It's really awesome to have a dad on because I think, um, you know, we hear from a lot of moms, which is great, but you guys go through this, I would say the same, but different, right?
Like you're going through the same experience, but I think dad's experienced it differently. At least I saw that with my, I went through it with my, Uh, ex husband and a, and a current husband. So it's a lot and I'm just excited to talk through stuff. So let's do it.
Brad: All right. Sounds great.
Brenda: Why don't you just give us a little grounding on where you are today?
[00:04:00] What got you, um, to, you're a member of the woods, what got you to the woods? And then we'll dive into sort of what you want to get some coaching around if that works. Oh,
Brad: absolutely. Absolutely. Well, what got me to the woods is, you know, our son has been. Going through this journey for, for about a year, year and a half and Alice, you know, my son's mother, she's a member of the stream and she just spoke very highly of it.
And then when they came out to the woods, she gave me a call and she goes, you've got to join this group because I was looking for, you know, I was looking for men that were going through a similar journey. You know, what's important is to know that you're not alone going through this. So that's what, uh, that's what got me there and super excited about it.
Uh, super excited plugging into the woods. Yeah. And, um, yeah, so that's what, that's what brought me.
Brenda: Nice. So you [00:05:00] and your son is now how old?
Brad: He is 18. He turned 18. He's
Brenda: a fresh 18. The magic, the magic number. Isn't it wild how like 18, suddenly something, a You know, switch is supposed to flip on and they're all of a sudden like adults.
Oh,
Brad: yes. I don't know. Oh, yes. It could, it could be challenging yet it's celebratory, right? Yes. Yes. Yes. Exactly.
Brenda: Awesome. So he's 18 and he is now just, I know this only because I just talked to your wife, your ex wife a little while ago that he is in sober living. Is that right? He
Brad: is. He is, he is in several living in the same state in Utah where he went through, um, you know, recovery when we went to high school.
Uh, he opted to stay out there because he has a support system out there and he's just, he's doing great. He's doing wonderful. So
Brenda: how's your relationship? [00:06:00]
Brad: Our relationship is so much better than it was, you know, because here you go a year and a half ago, you have a kid that wouldn't talk to you, um, would just say very short answers, uh, hidden himself in his room a lot to an adult now that's actually, uh, giving us a call.
You know, two or three times a week, wanting to talk, telling us what's going on with his life. And it's just, um, it's fantastic. I mean, it's such a, such a reward, you know?
Brenda: Yeah. Yeah. And could you have imagined that when you were sort of in the In the dark days, trying to figure out what to do, did you have that light at the end of the tunnel or what was that experience like when you were just launching into this?
Brad: Well, first of all, I had no idea what I was doing. So right. And it's an unknown territory. It is an unknown territory. And I couldn't have done it without Alice with without my ex [00:07:00] wife. She is, uh, you know, when she first brought this idea to me, I was to tell you the truth. That was kind of. Set back on it because I didn't want him to go anywhere.
Right. So I, you know, but I knew he needed help and then as time progressed and things kind of in his, um, use was getting a little worse, then we said, okay, this is it, and I didn't know what the light at the end of the tunnel look like for us. I mean, I, I truly didn't. So it was basically a day by day. You know, night by night journey, but, uh, feel so blessed to, to be where we are right now, you know, and I know it's still, you know, it's still quite a ways to go, but, but it's great.
Brenda: Yeah, but you have tools now, right? Like I'm sure I know you guys participated in, you know, the different programs that he was at had parent programming. And [00:08:00] I just imagine that you, you probably have a more full tool belt now than you did going into it to turn to. When things do get
Brad: hard. Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Brenda: Nice. Well, when you think about kind of where you are today, and maybe you think ahead six to 12 months, what kind of is causing friction in your mind or your heart to, as you think about moving forward, he's in a good place right now. Um, what. What kind of keeps you up at night or makes you pause when you think about what's coming up in the future?
Brad: Well, it's it's basically for for us or for me in particular I don't want to say fear because it's not a fear but it's just the unknown what happens. He's doing Wonderful now. And, you know, as his father, I want him to have every opportunity of success in his future. So [00:09:00] I know in talking to him, I know he wants to, he wants to go to college back, back in the state where he grew up.
Um, and you know, and then we talk about it and we said, well, you never want to. Good. You know, you want to separate kind of person's places. Thanks. What got him. Into it in the first place, you know, because of how he is. And so that's a little bit of a, um, of a kind of hurdle right there. Uh, but other, other than that, I mean, I'm, I'm excited for him, uh, for his future.
Uh, he's taking college classes right now. So I don't know if he's going to stay, you know, until January and we're going to transfer him somewhere else, or if he's going to finish up a year in Utah. And, you know, it's, it's basically still unknown. That's a, that's a fear in itself.
Brenda: Yeah. Just a lot of unknowns in the future.
What, [00:10:00] um, you talk about wanting him to, you know, have all, everything available for him to be successful. In your mind, what does that look like? Like if you could sort of paint a picture of. Having everything that he needs to be successful and what, what does success look like
Brad: success to me is for him to have accountability for the things that he's trying to stay away from right because nobody can do it without In those relationships that are that will help him.
Of course, we're here to help him But you know, we're mom and dad so just Have all the tools, you know, meetings and basically get fired up about staying, living a sober lifestyle, which in itself, if we had this conversation, let's say eight months ago, he didn't know if he could live a life without substances.
And he flat out told us that [00:11:00] he goes, I don't know, I'm scared about living life without substances. And now it's such a turn because in our conversations, he's. And he said, you know, I, I believe I could do it. That's huge. Which is huge. Yes.
Brenda: Yeah. For somebody at 18, I mean, that's really, really significant.
So I think you guys should feel really proud and inspired by the work that he's put in, that you've put in. Um, it is not a small commitment to send your kid to wilderness and to residential and sober living. That's a huge commitment, not just from a financial standpoint, which it is more than huge, but from the standpoint of him not being with you, right?
Of not having a lot of those experiences. Did you feel some grief around not getting to have some of those, what we think of as the traditional high [00:12:00] school experiences, the, you know, the proms and the whatever's the sports teams. What was that like for you? Um, Oh
Brad: my goodness That was the hardest thing for me was basically Saying goodbye to him earlier than I was ready.
Yeah Because in a sense, he's our only child, you know, yeah, and he's my only son. So, um So it was very it was very difficult, but I had uh I had support from his mother. Um, his mother was going through the same thing as well, but, uh, you know, we just had some support in. But seeing him grow as much as he has in the past year, really, I mean, that, that exceeds any of our personal feeling, you know, he's able to practice all of his potential [00:13:00] and before he didn't think he had any potential, you know, we could tell him all day long, but as we see him now, I, he's got a lot on his plate.
And to tell you the truth, I didn't think at first that he'd be able to handle it because here you go, living with us. Then, um, wilderness and the residential treatment center. And now he's living in a several living, taking care of himself and he has a car out there, so he go, he drives to, you know, he drives to all of his meetings.
He drives, he goes to school. He volunteers and he works. That is a
Brenda: lot. That's a lot for somebody who's had a lot of scaffolding around them. Right. Thank goodness. There are places and programs and people that do that and they know how to do that. [00:14:00] And then. Yeah, he launches off to all of a sudden, all of the stuff that adults have to do, um, with a little bit of structure, I'm assuming, in the sober living home, at least in a safe environment from a substance standpoint, but it's still a lot for him to take on.
What's hard for you about this, this time period? What do you think about you would like to see either change in yourself or grow in yourself? Questions that you might have. What's what's hard about this?
Brad: Jacob is an adult. He's 18 years old. His mother and myself, with me included, has made things very easy for him when he was, you know, when he was younger, doing things for him.
You know, I still want to be a supportive parent. And I still want to offer support wherever he needs it, because I'm his dad and of course I will always be there, [00:15:00] you know, but I want him to still feel that he is independent, you know, so I don't want to jump in there and say, okay, you need this. Well, here you go.
Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I think that's very, that's kind of. It's the give and take where I would need the most coaching on.
Brenda: It's a difficult, it's a difficult balance, right? The, the support versus independence and because you've seen him struggle in the past, there's that piece of evidence in the picture.
What do you think is the impact on him when you step in when it's not needed?
Brad: He always will say. Oh, don't worry about it. I'll figure it out. And that is code word for he's frustrated. [00:16:00] He wants to do things on his own, but whenever he says his famous words, a lot of times he falls short into following through, you know, and this would be in the past, I mean, he's, he's gotten a lot better since then, but.
But, uh, I think he gets a little frustrated because he wants to, he wants to live that independent life and still have us there, you know, but he wants to live that independent life, but he doesn't want to, um, A lot of the stuff he wants to do, but he has questions about it, but then he won't ask us because he wants to be independent.
So it's, it's kind of like a tug of war type deal. Yeah.
Brenda: Yeah. So there's a little bit of a cycle that happens where you might try to step in. He says, I got it. I got it. I'll take care of it. But he [00:17:00] doesn't really have it, but he doesn't want to say he doesn't have it. Does that sound like a sort of the situation?
Very familiar.
Brad: Yeah.
Brenda: Yes. Yes.
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org and become part of our [00:18:00] group. Now, let's dive back into the show.
Brad: How
Brenda: is your communication with him about stuff that isn't transactional? So, deeper conversations? That may have, you know, that don't have to do with scheduling anything, completing anything, um, starting anything. How are the conversations around just sort of life stuff? Do those, do those happen? And I know it's hard because you're not close.
You're, you're probably mostly on the phone. How do you feel those conversations are like? I feel those
Brad: conversations are great. And those are my favorite type of conversations with them because I believe now, um, what's true now that since he's been on this venture, he has become more open [00:19:00] and honest with, with us.
And it's just been, uh, it's been wonderful. We had a conversation about him coming home for a visit, you know, um, eventually. And I said, you know, if, if you run into your friends and. If they bring you out any kind of substances, what, how do you think you'll react to that? You know, great open ended
Brenda: question, A plus on the open ended question.
Brad: And I said, how, how would you react to that? And he said, he said, well, I will tell you this. I wouldn't tell you this would be true about seven months ago, but I have no desire to do anything right now. Um, and I said, well, you know, it could change because you haven't really been. Recently, you haven't been presented with it.
So just think about that for a little bit. And he goes, he goes, [00:20:00] okay, I will, you know,
Brenda: Sounds like he's very insightful. Sounds like he's maybe a little wise beyond his years from, from what I can hear in that. And yeah, it's, I think what, what's interesting is as parents, we never get. The transition plan from adolescence to young adulthood, like there's no, the memo just doesn't exist.
We just sort of are supposed to figure out how, how to make that transition. And one thing that was explained to me at one point, um, helped a lot was to start thinking of myself as a consultant. Versus a parent and to think of if I was having this interaction with somebody at work. How would I handle? My how would I choose my words?
How would I choose my tone of voice? Would I even choose any words at all or what? I just you know observe, right? what I hear from people when I and young people when I [00:21:00] talk with them is When my parents step in, what it makes me feel is that they don't think I'm capable, and they don't think I'm equipped or have the adequate resources to figure this out.
Which might be true in the moment, but if I never get to try, then I never get to learn. And so sometimes when we step in, we're robbing them of that experience. Um, even if it's a difficult experience, we're still robbing them of that experience. And I like to think of it as, um, our kids when they're born and they're growing up, they have this kind of invisible backpack on.
And as they go through life and they go through these different struggles, if we allow them to have struggles, they get to fill that backpack with all that they've learned from those struggles. If we remove all of the struggle from their life, they [00:22:00] get to this place when they're 18, and they turn to their backpack, and it's empty.
And it's like, oh, shoot, I don't know what to do right now. I better call my dad. And so, the more we can allow them to fill that backpack, even though sometimes it's just torturous to watch them fill it, we, we do them a disservice if we Take away all of that and leave them with an empty backpack. Does that make sense?
Brad: Absolutely, it does.
Brenda: How full would you say Jacob's backpack is?
Brad: Well, it's a lot fuller than it was. Yeah, so I will say that and I do believe that That we are doing a great job letting him do things on his own, because, and I, I do like what you said about, um, you know, we've got to let him experience [00:23:00] these experiences, getting through something, you know, he needs to experience failure as well, but I do think we are, we're getting, we're getting better at that house.
I have conversations till this day and said, well, you know, we kind of consult each other about how we're going to converse with them.
Brenda: The relationship that you have with Alice. And the, the way that you guys have walked through this really should be commended because it's not easy. I know I did it with an ex, um, and it really shows your priority in really focusing all your effort on your son and not letting the fact that you used to be married to each other and that you're, you know, his parents get in the way of that because that's not insignificant.
I just want to acknowledge that it's so, so, so important. And that's something you guys have removed big chunk of concern and [00:24:00] worry and burden from him by doing what you're doing together. And so I just want to commend you for that and recognize that because it is. So important. I think it's something that people can listen to and say, you know, maybe it's time to lay down our swords, right?
If, if they are battling with an ex going through this, maybe it's time we lay that down and we really focus our effort on our child. So, just want to give you big props for that because that's, um, that's huge.
Brad: Thank you so much. That means a lot.
Brenda: How often do you think your son has seen you fail or recognize, my dad doesn't have it all together?
Brad: I don't know the exact number.
Brenda: Correct. An estimate.
Brad: But I will tell you, he has. He's seen me fail. He's seen me at, you know, um, bottom just with [00:25:00] my own struggles. I've got a past with struggling with depression. Um, so he's kind of, he's kind of seen that. You know, and it's funny, we're, we're kind of like, uh, even though we're not married, we're kind of like an open family.
You know, where, where they, you know, there is not, um, a lot that Alice doesn't know about me. Um, there's not a lot Jake doesn't, I mean, Jake, they pretty much know everything about me, you know, um, and vice versa. So as a family, we're pretty honest with each other.
Brenda: That's awesome. And the reason I asked that is because as Jake is making this transition into adulthood and you're trying to step back and, and you know, what you have noticed is he doesn't always know what he's doing, even if he wants to do it on his own, which is of course.
It's 100 percent normal. What's helpful, could be helpful for him is if he [00:26:00] knows it's totally okay to not know what the hell you're doing. Is it? Like, if he can look and say, Oh, I've seen my dad try to figure stuff out and not be able to figure it out. It can allow him to feel more okay to either ask for some guidance or to attempt and fail and know that.
That's okay. It's just learning. But if, if that's a normalized thing, especially from you as his dad, to say, Oh my gosh, I didn't know what I was doing when I was 18. You know, I had no idea how to. Do whatever. And think about today, like at least they have Google today. They can go and search stuff or YouTube.
They can figure stuff out easier than we could. But, um, but just some of the stuff that I think sometimes we assume. Like, I'll just give you an example. I asked, [00:27:00] my son got a speeding ticket and he had to mail something in, and I realized this was when he was 22 years old. He did not know how to address an envelope because he had never done it before.
And in my eyes, I'm like, why haven't you mailed this thing, right? Like it's going to add up, you're going to get fines, it's going to go on, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Well, he had never addressed an envelope before. And so, I think sometimes we, we can forget just some of the basics of life and that it's okay for them to try to figure it out, um, and if he knows it's completely normal and my dad struggles with stuff too, it just gives him permission.
To either ask or fail and not feel bad about it and maybe even fail and feel good about [00:28:00] it and say dad Guess what? I tried this thing. I Totally it totally bombed and here's what I learned. So adding in some of that You know Some of that language or some of those stories into your conversations of like, oh dude Let me tell you this thing that I did that went horribly wrong And this is what I learned from it, right?
Could go a long way just as he's in this transition because he has been in a highly structured environment. And now he's gone to a highly unstructured, somewhat unstructured environment where he's gotta learn a lot of this stuff. And you gotta imagine how difficult that is. Like, that's pretty hard. Do you think he knows how much you appreciate...
The difficulty, like the, the, the position that he's in right now in moving into adulthood.
Brad: Yes, [00:29:00] absolutely. Absolutely. Because, you know, when you were talking about your son and in everything, I mean, whenever he goes through a difficult situation and I tell him, I go nine times out of 10, I've been through something similar, you know, because.
You know, not only do I have age on him, but it's just, it's a fact. Um, and, uh, and now, I mean, before he would, you know, it'd go in one ear and out the other, but I think now, like you said, he appreciates it and he kind of said, you know, and he kind of appreciates what he's going through right now. Um, and he appreciates the success and also.
Uh, you know, maybe the failures that he's feeling, but he, he's better equipped to kind of deal with that without bringing anything into the mix. [00:30:00]
Brenda: Yeah, which is so important, and it sounds like you're pretty good with open ended questions, which is the absolute best way to keep the conversation going, right, is using open ended questions, being really curious about what it's like for him right now.
And, um, and just, I think that connection that you have without overstepping is tricky. But if you, if you sort of think of that consultant role, um, what would I say to a coworker? Or would I just say, wow, that's really hard. And that's a full sentence, by
Brad: the way, that must be really hard for you. And that's it.
Yeah. You know. I mean, that's, I think, uh, and that's one of the big things that I've learned, kind of take a step back [00:31:00] and, well, how are you going to deal with this? Or how are you going to address this? It's funny. You talked about tickets. My son got a ticket recently, so.
Brenda: They're young boys. I just think it's part of life.
It's unavoidable.
Brad: But it's, you know, and I said, okay, well, you know what you need to do, um, handle it and, uh, let me know what happens.
Brenda: Nice. How did that feel for you?
Brad: It was a little, you know, it's, it's funny because he, he gave me a call. And first thing he said to me was. Dad, I'm on your insurance, aren't I?
Oh boy. I was like,
Brenda: oh my goodness. You know when the conversation starts with a question about insurance.
Brad: Oh yeah. And so, um, So yeah, so it was, it was good, but I've had to kind of take a step back because really, I want to bring it up, [00:32:00] just how I am. I want to bring it up every time, but I try not to. And just, you know, and eventually said, uh, said, hey, uh, um, You know, my insurance is about to, our insurance is about to renew, just wanted to see if it's going to go up or did you take the class or, you know, things like that.
So
Brenda: one tool that has been really helpful for a lot of people that I've talked with is to, to just state to our young people as they're in this transition, Hey, my tendency might be. To want to step in it's just how we're wired as parents. So you're gonna need to let me know one Sometimes people it sounds like he's pretty you guys have good communication So you might not need a code word, but sometimes a code word like mom if you're overstepping I'm gonna just like code word pineapple like that means back off.
I got it [00:33:00] I'm gonna figure it out and also just saying what would feel supportive to you right now as you're making this transition As you're thinking about coming home for a visit, as you're working through college and work and classes and volunteering, what would feel supportive for me? So that I make sure I'm doing the right thing versus what I think would be supportive which might be the wrong thing, right?
Well, is there anything that you would like to see in the next couple weeks a shift in yourself? That would be measurable like if I was to fly over your house in a month Is there anything that you would want to be doing differently than you're doing today? That would sort of be evidence that you're moving in the direction you want to go.
Brad: I believe just Continuing the communication in the right direction and continuing to improve on, [00:34:00] you know, cause I'm, you know, I could always improve, right? So, you know, with the, uh, more open ended questions, let him, let him be, uh, you know, I told you about the ticket. Situation, but still to this day, I want to text him.
Hey, did you get that ticket all squared away? But, you know, so it's just, uh, it gets, even though, you know, we've been doing it, it gets difficult at times and, um, absolutely does. And one thing has changed. I know, cause I had a conversation with Alice about, uh, y'all's conversation. And, uh, it, it looks like Jake is going to come on for a visit earlier.
Than we thought so maybe like next week. Oh Okay For yeah for for weekend, but it's well deserved. But um, she wanted me to mention that as well [00:35:00]
Brenda: Yeah, so how do you feel about that? Like what does that do in your body when you think about him coming home?
Brad: I feel I feel great about it uh because In my mind, you can't as parents, we can't hold a shelter and say, no, you can never come visit.
Right. And I think that I believe he is, um, he has made so much progress. And I think a visit is well deserved. I want to see how he reacts to being where he was, you know? So, and I think he's going to spend about three days in Orlando and maybe about two in Tampa with me. So, nice.
Brenda: And so do you feel like you have pretty good boundaries around how that?
Like, what you are cool with and what you're not cool with when he's home visiting?
Brad: I believe I do. I believe I do. I'm, uh, you know, [00:36:00] it, but it's also a way for me to practice as well. Yeah. And me to improve myself because, you know, it's been a long time since he's been home. Yeah. I think the last one was November of last year.
Yeah. So, and I know we've been out to visit him quite a bit, but.
Brenda: Right. But it's very different when, when he's home and it just puts. It puts all of your skills to a new level of testing right when it's happening right in front of you and But what's great about that is it sounds like you guys have such good communication that it's That I, I don't get the sense that you're going to be tiptoeing around each other.
It seems to me like you are able to have some of those real conversations about like, dude, what are you going to do if your friends are using or whatever it is with the expectation that it could go horribly wrong. [00:37:00] And then you just learn from it.
Brad: We just learn from it and move on. Yeah. Yeah, and that's okay.
In the movie, maybe it's gonna be, it's gonna be different, but I think that, uh, you know, I'm just curious to see what happens and it's gonna give me a chance to, you know, to practice what I've learned as well. So. Yeah.
Brenda: Yeah. It definitely will. And it might be a good idea just to have a, a backup plan for.
Like if you start to relapse into your old behaviors, because we relapse just like our kids do, we go back to old behaviors. We go back to old patterns, um, that you might just have a plan in place of like, okay, if I start to notice myself getting anxious or spiraling or questioning or whatever, here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to, whatever you like to do, just so that you've got that plan in place because it is a lot. Um, [00:38:00] having been through that, those home visits, it's a lot, a lot of old stuff gets brought up. A lot of old feelings come up and it can be so fun. So I think that's the, it's a mixed bag.
Well how do you feel about the conversation today? Are you taking, is there anything kind of like a nugget that you're going to take with you moving into the weekend ahead?
Brad: Yeah. I mean, I've first and foremost, I've enjoyed this. I mean, this has been great just to kind of, um, you know, keeping the backpack full.
That's what I'm going to take away from this because I think that is so important. So it's, uh, letting him and know that he's going to make mistakes just like we all do. Just like I've done, just like I do today, you know, I'll make mistakes. So keeping that backpack full is, is key. And how he handles [00:39:00] that, those mistakes that he makes is, is key as well.
Brenda: Yeah, awesome. Well, thank you so much for for hopping on and talking through this and of course I will be staying in touch and kind of following along as things go and Just really appreciate you being willing to share your experience It is so helpful for other parents to listen in because they might be where you were as you were just contemplating The very first step in your journey, right?
And so you're giving them the gift of hearing sort of Where all of this can go. So thank you for that.
Brad: Oh, well, thank you for everything. Yes. This has been wonderful.
Brenda: Wonderful. We'll have a great weekend. Thank you. You too. Okay. My friend, that is it for today. Remember you can find all the guest information and resources we talked about in the show notes.
And those are at Brenda Zane. com forward slash podcast. We also have some playlists there that we [00:40:00] created for you, like the top 10 episodes, coaching episodes, recovery stories, all the good stuff. And if you haven't already, you may want to download a free ebook I wrote called Hindsight, Three Things I Wish I Knew When My Son Was Misusing Drugs.
It'll give you some insight as to why your child might be doing what they are. And importantly, it gives you tips on how to cope and how to be more healthy through the rough times. You can download that free from BrendaZane. com forward slash hindsight. Thank you so much for listening. Stay strong and be very, very good to yourself.
And I will meet you right back here next week.