I See You; Honoring Moms of Kids Misusing Drugs and Alcohol, with Brenda Zane
It's Mother's Day week, 2024. I'm counting my blessings because my kids are healthy and our family is in a positive and safe place. It wasn't always this way. There were Mother's Days when I wanted to crawl even deeper under the covers and not show my face. There were Mother's Days when I didn't know where my oldest son was. Today, I want to honor those who may not be looking forward to Sunday, the ones who are feeling the weight of having a child who struggles with substance misuse and mental health challenges. I see you. I was you. I understand.
Coaching Episode: Drawing the Line with Grace - Confident Boundaries and Open Communication, with Jane
Jane's family's relationship is pretty good, thanks to the many tools she's been learning and practicing in The Stream. Her sons are honest with her, they respect each other, and Jane's husband actively participates in their recovery process. But after both sons were home for a holiday visit, Jane realized she needed to address a boundary violation that occurred during their stay. We spoke for this episode the day her son was coming home, and the conversation could potentially happen - but should it?
Demystifying Men's Apprehension Towards CRAFT and Therapeutic Support, with Steve Andrews
Last year, we launched The Woods, our private community for dads, stepdads, and male co-parents. And as much as we would love to help more dads who have kids struggling with substances, they don’t come flocking to our services. I wanted to dive into this imbalance and asked Steve Andrews to join me for a conversation. As a battle-tested dad and therapist, Steve gives us his best take on why men seem to have a natural aversion to approaches like The Invitation to Change and CRAFT and how we can reframe those ideas in a more accessible way.
A Powerful Combo of Proven Tools for Families When Your Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol, with Dr. Jennifer Fernandez
My guest today, Dr. Jennifer Fernandez, is a proponent of a compassionate model that sounds more complex than it is - the "biopsychosocial model." This model aims to contextualize all factors contributing to someone’s reliance on substances - not just genetics. She says this type of analysis can help those who love someone struggling with substances understand behavior that would otherwise seem irrational. And when we know more, it leaves room for the empathy we need to parent young people who can appear out of control.
Parenting Through a Child's Substance Use With Clarity, Compassion And Your Own Therapist, with Patrick Balsley
Patrick Balsley's substance use began with alcohol in middle school and ended 11 years later with a heroin- and cocaine-induced psychosis. But instead of talking to Patrick about who he used to be, today I'm talking to him about the incredible things he's been doing with his life since then, and what he's learned while helping so many other families in their pursuit of recovery.
The Difficult Realities of Using The Invitation To Change With A Child Struggling With Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane
Because I sit at a vantage point of seeing many parents working to understand and implement the Invitation To Change Approach (ITC) with their child who struggles with substance misuse, I see things others don't. I hear the frustrations and the celebrations, and I know that while an approach like the ITC is very powerful and effective, it isn't a magic wand.
Un-Addiction: A Mind-Changing Conversation on How We Think About Addiction and Risk, with Nzinga Harrison, M.D.
In the two years since our favorite M.D. was last on the show, Dr. Nzinga Harrison has organized much of her extensive knowledge about the roots of substance use disorders into a new book: Un-addiction: 6 Mind-Changing Conversations That Could Save a Life. The framework is comprehensive and data-driven, but also plainly written and easy for a layperson to understand. I tried using sticky notes to mark the best parts of this book, but gave up when I realized I was marking almost every page. Listen in to hear Dr. Harrison’s six essential conversations, as well as some of her own challenges as mom to a high school senior.
There Is No Such Thing As Drug and Alcohol Treatment For Adolescents, with Robert Schwebel and Lynn Smith
When Dr. Robert Schwebel was approached by a local treatment agency about developing a drug program for adolescents, he was not interested. He decided to meet with the agency about the proposal, but also to share hard truths that he thought would encourage them to find someone else: Don't promise drug free kids overnight. Help them learn to make good decisions rather than telling them what to do. Incorporate life counseling. Rather than rejecting him, the program agreed to Robert’s suggestions and hired him.
Debunking Myths and Connecting Dots Between Mental Health, Substance Use, and Gender Identity, with Jordan Held
Jordan Held has a Masters degree in both Social Welfare and Sports Leadership, and a bachelor's degree in Kinesiology. He’s worked in residential mental health treatment, as well as the world's largest gender clinic, giving him a great deal of experience with the most pressing issues affecting teens and young adults - especially those who are exploring their sexual identity. In this episode, we discuss why some young people are going "stealth", the post-pandemic spread of school avoidance, why kids don't even consider marijuana a drug any more, and how parenting without shame creates bonds of trust that leave families stronger in difficult times.
Why Your Attachment Style Matters When Parenting a Child Who Misuses Drugs or Alcohol, with Jack Hinman, Psy.D.
If you could stand outside your own life, watching your family relationships play out like a movie, what patterns of behavior might you notice about yourself? If you could see those patterns right now, wouldn’t it be much easier to improve them? In this episode, we try to understand ourselves and our family dynamics more deeply through the lens of attachment theory. If you’re like me, you’d never heard attachment theory mentioned in recovery spaces or literature. But Jack Hinman, my guest today, believes it has an important role to play in the families of children using substances.
Revealing What Exactly Educational and Therapeutic Consultants Do (and don’t do), with Joanna Lilley
When my son began using drugs and alcohol, I did what a lot of parents do: I dove headfirst into a world I didn't know existed, trying to evaluate all the possible programs and places he might go to get help. But there's so much to learn about the treatment world, and the knowledge is extremely specialized, making it almost impossible to sift through it effectively without an expert guide. On today's show, I spoke with someone who is that guide for families. She’s revealing what consultants actually do, how they do it and how working with one can impact your child’s treatment journey.
Coaching Episode - Dealing With Anger and Disappointment When You Learn Your Child Is Misusing Drugs and Alcohol, with Rose
Rose has three children, so she's not new to being a mom. But when her son spent six months trying every drug he could find, she stepped into a foreign world of substance misuse and increasing risk. She dealt with the utter shock and disbelief her child had been using substances at all, let alone to the degree she came to realize.
Navigating Your Child's Substance Misuse: Six Crucial Mindset Shifts for Intentional Parenting, with Cathy Cioth
Hopestream co-founder, Cathy Cioth, is back for another episode to discuss six critical mindset shifts we both believe parents need to consider when they have a child struggling with substance misuse. We share how these important pivots in our thinking impacted our families and why, even though both of us have kids in recovery, we still vigilantly adhere to them. And, as usual, we go on a tangent or two, so grab your dog, bike, walking shoes, or whatever you do when listening to podcasts and let’s jump in.
Trading Control & Punishment for Respect & Emotional Intelligence, with Ann Coleman
After watching her brother's life cut short by substance use, Ann Coleman was intimately familiar with its dangers. So when her son - who already suffered from anxiety and depression - started using marijuana, hallucinogens and opiates, her trauma and instincts of fear and control kicked in hard. Looking back, Ann recognizes that at the time she believed her son was solely to blame for the unraveling of the relationship. Now, she knows better.
Pivot Points - Recovery Is For Those Who Do It, with Matt Nannis
When young people in recovery return to use, we often hear phrases like “failure to launch”, “regression”, or the suggestion that “recovery is only for those who want it.” Today’s guest, Matt Nannis, says it’s time to move beyond these concepts altogether. Matt says the problem with concepts like “failure to launch” is they imply some fixed destination along a set path. And while he found great value in the rubric of AA, he now believes the all-or-nothing mindset implied by “regression” is just not anchored in reality.
Insights From Honest Conversations With Treatment Programs, Consultants, and Real World Parents
I recently sat down with over 20 treatment program owners, directors, therapists, educational consultants, and 20+ parents who are or have been on the journey with their kids, and I'm sharing the insights I gleaned in today's episode.
From insurance nightmares to difficult transitions and THC-induced psychosis, I cover a lot of territory, bringing you a boots-on-the-ground view into what's really going on today in treatment and the struggles parents are facing when they have a child who misuses substances.
The show notes for this episode have many resources you'll find helpful as you navigate this rocky terrain.
Decoding Today’s Adolescent Substance Use Treatment Landscape, with Trish Ruggles
At some point along your child's journey with substance misuse and mental health challenges, you’ll almost certainly need to make difficult decisions about treatment. If they’re an adolescent, this becomes a complicated and heart-wrenching decision. Trish Ruggles is a licensed clinical professional counselor and therapeutic educational consultant with 15 years experience in the treatment industry. She has intimate, on-the-ground knowledge of the wide spectrum of mental health and substance use programs, and works with families to match the right treatment setting with a young person’s therapeutic and academic needs.
Coaching Episode: Using Self-Care and Motivation as Tools in Teen Harm Reduction
Kelly’s son began smoking marijuana all day, every day after a serious trauma two years ago. Therapy and harm reduction strategies have led them to an arrangement where he is allowed to smoke occasionally, but only in the garage. Her son is smoking much less now, and in combination with therapy, reports he’s stopped using substances as a primary coping mechanism. But after two years of being on high alert at all times, and with the potential of paying for college looming on the horizon, Kelly is reaching the end of her rope, finding it difficult to get enough sleep. Her interactions with her son have become more judgmental than compassionate, and Kelly worries about driving him away.
Filling the void: Six Emotional Nutrients Your Child (and you) Need, with Noel Koons
In the words of today's guest, Noel Koons, "We all dent our children." Though it may seem like so many other families have everything perfectly together, Noel assures us that isn't true – and with more than 13 years of clinical mental health experience counseling families and individuals, he should know.
The Golden Nuggets of 2023
I release about 50 episodes of Hopestream every year, and every year there are a few conversations that just stick. Months later I’ll find myself reflecting on how a specific story or perspective has the potential to change the way we think and act as parents of kids working toward recovery. I think of these important moments as this year’s “golden nuggets”. Enjoy!